Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Rambling Tuesday

I know April showers bring May flowers and all that but can someone explain how in the hell it was 85 freaking degrees last week but felt like 90 and it is now a cold ass 50 and I have the heat on. Saturday we had a hail storm. HAIL dammit! Which absolutely canceled my plans of going anywhere. I don't roll out in lightning or hail. I'm requesting the temperature stay at a nice 75 degrees with no pollen and you'll nothing but smiles from me.

Friday, the new Virginia Sports Hall of Fame opened up the street from my apartment and I went to the cocktail party that night. No, I didn't buy a ticket...I knew the caterers so I gussied up and waltzed in with a back door ticket. Lots of old hoochies--some with visible girdle lines through their dresses. Some athletes...many retired ones. Bruce Smith keep your ass at home sometimes, please. One chick with an upper body like a linebacker had on a backless dress and a tatoo that looked like a roaring xxx tiger coming out of her damn back. Who in the hell shows off some whack shit like that but a ghetto mistress? She kept turning her back to the crowd so everybody could see. I must have looked at that damn thing for about five minutes until my friend told me to quit staring. You couldn't tell this chick she wasn't cute but I really, really wanted to. All she needed to do was ask.

They auctioned off a Michael Vick jersey. No one bid. I was truly surprised. Could it be the herpes thing? Would people have bid if the jersey read Ron Mexico? I sure as hell would have.

My girlfriend has about 7 fuck buddies. That is just way too many. She kicked us out last night because the one coming over can't know any of her friends...he'll think the relationship is more than it is. Whateva.

The next time I see someone grilling outside on a Foreman grill--the small one that you plug in--on their deck--their front deck-- with their hamburger buns on top, I'm going to stop my car and and tell them they fucking suck.